It is your Birthday today.

Hey Sweet Girl,
Its your birthday. I have been up since 4:30am thinking about it. 8 years ago our lives intertwined in a way that has still left me in awe. I woke this morning and all I really wanted to do was to reach out to you, press in, see your face, hear your voice. But I can't. I spent the morning re reading all your words on this blog- reading them like they were water to a dry land...I miss Liesl.  I don't think you will ever see this, or maybe Jesus will lead you to this blog- this one lone post- and your eyes will scan these words. Maybe. Maybe they will be water to the dry land for you too. That you will know, you are loved and not forgotten. You are loved and wanted...

but I have had to let go, and letting go of you has been one of the hardest journeys God has asked me to walk. Jaden has walked the last few months grieving you. We are walking through it with him, letting you go. The hardest and most agonizing decision we had to make But Jaden was angry so much of the time, and as we dove in deeper to what was causing his anger it was linked to you. To not understanding when, if, how,  you would ever come around to be a part of his life...he couldn't understand the open ended "maybe one day" and it was causing him anxiety and anger. Why one day? Why not now? So we were honest.

So, today is your birthday. I never thought this is what our "open adoption" would look like. If I could say anything to you today it is "You are loved. no matter what Liesl, no matter how the road changes, life choices you make, no matter if I am there in your life or not...you are still loved. Jesus wants you Liesl...He will want you each and everyday of your life. You are loved."

Happy Birthday Sweet Girl.