2 pink lines

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath trying to convince myself that what I was about to see was a dream. I look down at the white stick with a small open window and there staring back at me were 2 vivid pink lines. I had studied the intructions over and over as I waited for my result, but I hoped that I had been so nervous that I memorized the wrong words. I looked at the box and located the image that matched my results. Written definitely and mockingly was the one word that changed my life forever. Positive.

This could not be. This test was just a precaution to put my mind at ease. A small change in appetite and all I wanted was the reassurance that my worst nightmare had not become reality.

As my mind raced and as those two pink lines burned unto my corneas, my knees gave out support and let me body fall, shaking to the ground. I was too shocked to cry. My quivering hand reached for my phone. I could not deal with this news myself. I couldn't call anyone in my family and admit this. Fresh out of drug rehabilitation and finally doing well; I couldn't bear to tell anyone. I slowly dialed the number of my best friend Brian. Each ring was a century.

He answered with enthusiasm, until I weakly said his name. His voice went from excited to concerned instantly.
"What is going on?" he said seriously.
"I'm pregnant," I forced out and as they hit my ears they didn't seem real. My heart sunk down to the floor with me and all I could do was cry. It real and I had just admitted it for the first time.

"I will be there in twenty minutes," was all he said and hung up the phone. I sat on the floor wondering what I should do. I called my "best friend," my "other half" hoping for someone to talk me through this. Again, I let the words slip quivering from my mouth all I got in response was silence. I heard one phrase.

"How could you do this to me?" Click.

At this point, my faith was nonexistent. I cursed The Lord's name and wept for a guidance. All of my outlets, all of my escapes, my drugs, my cutting, my comfort, we intangible. How could I hurt this life? If it even was a life. No official decision on that end had come. I still didn't know if I wanted it to be true so I denied it.

An hour later my mom came home and I cautiously saunted up the stairs. She was unpacking the groceries that we could barely even afford. I took my place on the counter as her face scrunched. She had come with me to purchase the test and I had explained that it is just a precaution so we can be sure.

"It's positive," I mumbled. The sound of plastic bags rustling stopped abruptly. I couldn't bring myself to look at her so I continued to stare at the floor. She grabbed the counter and sighed.

"Ok," she said absently. I looked up and met her eyes which had gone serious, "You are not living in my house and raising a baby." Awesome. Another supportive response. I began to cry and she went through every consequence of this "mistake."
"We can barely support ourselves. How are we going to support a child? And what about your future? Are you just going to throw college away? I thought we were done with all of this. I thought you had done every rebellious thing you could think of, but I guess I was wrong!"

I tuned her out as I texted the father of this newly discovered child. "We need to talk," was all i could manage to type. I knew his reaction would be similar to those of my "greatest supports."

5 minutes later he called my phone.
"What's up?" he said nonchalantly. No concern. I sighed and I could hear his breathe stop on the other end.
"I just too a pregnancy test," I said. It was more difficult to utter the words to the other half of this. There was no love between us and we both knew it. If this truly was what those two pink lines said it was, there would be no support from his end.
"Yeah." he said, a little nervous.
"And it's positive," I breathed, hoping that by not actually saying it, it would become false.
"Ok?" he sighed, his voice cracking. I waited for further response.
"And it's yours." No response, " Hello?"
"Um let me call you back." Click again. Wow, I never expected a good response to this news but I expected at least something, from at least someone. A bombardment of horrid text message came from the father and I was floored. Everything from, "your a slut," to "that bastard isn't mine" and tons of others.

I came back to reality to my mom still babbling about how this was a disaster and she had thought I'd changed. I did. From drugs, from bad friends, but pregnancy, I thought this would fall into a different category.

Pink lines. Stupid pink lines. All I could think as I stared at those damn pink lines was how is this going to pan out. I went to sleep early that night hoping that I would wake up from a nightmare, but no such thing happened.